[FREE] A Dream Deferred

A Dream Deferred

by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet? Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

What happens to a dream deferred? Well, there are a lot of different things that can happen to the dream that is put-off or postponed since it depends on what situation the person is in. The dream could have been with you the entire time because there was something that you regret doing while having that dream. Or the dream could have been forgotten.

In my experience, my dream was forgotten when everyone around me was against my dream. I was told that my big dream was impossible to achieve at this time in the world with the situation that I am in. My dream was to be some kind of artist who would be able to create something from their own hands, such as a painter, a sculptor, a writer, or a musician. But everyone in my family just kept on saying that being an artist won't bring in enough income to have food three healthy meals a day. Their influence made me disheartened to the point where I didn't want to chase that dream anymore. I haven't thought about trying to chase that dream ever again. But there are times when the memories I have made when I had that dream come back to me. There were happy and even sad memories. I treasured every single one of them. My dream was forgotten but I didn't regret it. I treasured it and tucked it deep within my heart and never brought it out again.

[RE] Not Cool To Waste Food

I stumbled across a quote, on Julie Le's post, that is similar to what my parents tell me everyday when I eat... literally:

"I grew up in a family where wasting food was not okay."

My family is always reminding me not to waste any food. The only way it is going in the trash can is if it is either overdue or not edible (i.e. fish and chicken bones). I also agree that no one should be wasting food. Wasting food is like wasting hard-earned money. The only way you can get food is by buying it, and the only way we can earn money is through a job, which is becoming more difficult to get and/or keep because of today's economy. So we are actually really lucky to be living in a home where we have food at least twice a day. There are people who are unlucky and are dying because they don't even have a grain of rice to eat.

We should also be really grateful for the food as well because it does not magically appear from thin air. There are people who grow the food by hand, with the help of machines, which is a tough job. So wasting food is like saying that you don't really care about how hard those farmers and the people who earn money to buy the food (i.e. parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, even yourself) worked, so that you could eat in order to live or just to satisfy your urge to eat. So we should all show some respect by not wasting food.

I'm not saying that you should always force yourself to finish the food even if you are really full. There are ways to avoid that. You can give your food to someone else, or you can save it for later. All I'm trying to say is that it is definitely not okay to waste food, especially since it is going to become harder to get food with the economy going down.

[RE] Time Just Flies By

There was a quote from Alyssa Lasuer's post that really made a big impression on me:

"I feel as if we are all just growing up way too fast."

I agree with this completely. Time seems to go way too fast. One day I was a baby and then the next thing I knew, a high school student. There are a lot of things that I wanted to change in my past because I regret choosing whatever I did or didn't do. But life is definitely way too short for us to regret anything and waste your precious time to just think that you want to change something that already happened and can't be changed. Plus those bad decisions and actions can be a good lesson in life.

There are also times where I would not have enough time to ponder about something more deeply, so I would want time to pause. But if time were to pause for every moment that I would want to ponder about something more deeply, I wouldn't try my hardest at it. Instead, I might just slack off since I would think that I have a lot more time and procrastinate. So time is better off not pausing at all.

Whenever there is a happy moment where I was really enjoying myself, I would just to feel like that forever. But if that were to happen, I wouldn't even know what the sadness means. And if I didn't know what sadness meant, then how would I know what happiness meant? So having time stop would be meaningless and can even make me have a zombie heart where I would feel nothing.

But whenever something sad happened, time would seem to go really slow. I would just want time to go faster so that the painful feeling would go away as soon as possible. But if that were to happen, how would I be able to handle anything else that makes my heart hurt? I wouldn't be able to do anything with a weak heart and no confidence, so I won't be able to become stronger. And if I can't become stronger I wold be a bother to others becase I won't be able to take care of myself. So I should forget about rushing time to go faster.

I think the best thing to do is to just live in the present.

[BC] Live Like There's No Tomorrow(?)

After reading Steve Jobs' speech, it caught my attention and made me think about my own life:

"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." -Steve Jobs, in a 2005 speech

I agree to an extent with this idea of living as if there's no tomorrow. We are all going die someday so we should try to live with no regrets by doing what we should do first and try to not waste any time. But there is a limit to this advice because we are not really going to die the next day. We shouldn't always think that "today is our last day" every day, and try to rush things. It will just cause us to worry a lot for no reason. If you know that you are dying the next day, would you be able to fully enjoy that last day of yours? So, rather than saying that "today is the last day of my life", I would rather be saying that "I am going to die soon" because I wouldn't have a feeling of being too rushed when making decisions. I tend to make bad decisions when I am rushed, so I don't want that to happen.

It brought to my attention how I am just wasting my life by doing such meaningless things such as watching television when I'm bored when there are more important things to do such as community service or doing something to help the people in the future. But the important choices that you chose to make, does not have to be a major change in your life. You can start with a small change such as eating healthier or helping around the house more. It really makes a big difference even though the change seems so small.

This speech really makes me want to try using this advice (well, only a part of the advice). If I were to start following this advice tomorrow, I would probably wake up without complaining about not getting enough sleep and wanting to sleep more, because I should be grateful that I can be active for another day and make more happy memories at school with friends, and at home with my family. I would go to school with a positive attitude too, since there is no point in being gloomy because of things that you think are embarrassing or something. All of those things will seem really insignificant when compared to death. Just by changing a few things that I would do every day, I feel that my life would be more meaningful and fulfilling.

[FREE] Weird Dream...

I had the most weirdest dream one day in fifth grade. I was being chased by a BIG WHITE BALL. The ball was about ten times more bigger than I was. The walls, ceiling, and floor were checkered with black and white colors which reminded me of the pattern on the flags used for starting a race car competition. When the ball started to move towards me, I tried to run away as fast as possible. I felt that I was going pretty fast, but the ball was even faster. I became scared because I didn't want to get squished by the gigantic ball and die.

When the ball was right behind me, I tripped and landed on the floor faced down. I thought that I was going to die. I couldn't cry out since it seems that I had lost my voice. The ball ended up running me over and, surprisingly, I didn't die. When the ball was rolling over me, it felt like a bunch of blankets (which was kind of heavy) rolling over me, and the floor felt like the softest bed that I could have ever imagined. I was really happy that I didn't die.

The ball was coming for another round so I tried to run away again. I was so tired from running really fast the last time that I gave up and just stood there. The ball ended up knocking me down and rolling over me again. The ball still felt really soft, and so did the floor. Somehow, I ended up thinking that having the ball run over me was fun because it didn't hurt at all. So I started to run towards the ball and deliberately let the ball run over me a few more times. I felt that it was a stupid thing to do but I didn't care. I could almost sense myself smiling and even hear myself laughing. I didn't know if I was actually smiling and laughing or not, since I was dreaming. After having a lot of fun, the ball suddenly disappeared, and then I woke up and smiled to myself because the dream was weird and funny.

I usually get hit by balls such as soccer balls, footballs, volleyballs, baseballs, basketballs, softballs, etc. a lot. I might have gotten over the fear of getting hit by balls because of this weird dream of my mine.

[BC] Search in the Dark

One night, I was sleeping in a very deep trance. My body would feel numb from head to toe because I didn't toss or turn my body that night. I didn't even feel my blanket or the pillow I was sleeping on. I could hear nothing but the silent night except for my heart beat which slowly decreased. But the sleep ended at midnight because I was thirsty. My throat felt itchy and dry. Every time I tried to swallow, I would feel a sharp pain in my throat as if I was swallowing needles when my throat muscles expand and contract. I needed water.

I opened my eyes but all I could see was the black color of darkness. I sat up and pushed aside my soft blanket. I stuck out my feet to the right side of my bed and felt the icy temperature of the air in my room which sent chills throughout my body, making me wide awake. I put my feet down on the somewhat cold and fluffy carpet. I stood up and reached out my hands and touched something hard, smooth and a little dusty. It was my drawer which I couldn't see since the room was too dark. I dislike the dark when I am awake because it reminds me of ghosts. So I was a bit scared. My heart started to beat fast and I broke into a cold sweat causing me to have goosebumps and my hair to stand on its end. I needed to turn on the lights first before I can get some water to drink.

After I slowly walked to the left of the drawer, there was nothing to hold on to and guide me to the light switch. I felt a bit worried which made my heart beat even faster, because I didn't want to bump into anything. My heart was beating so loudly that I could hear it clearly ringing in my head in the silent night. After a few more slow and careful steps, I could feel my bookshelf which calmed me down causing my heart to beat a bit slower because there was something to guide me to the light switch again. It was cold, hard, and smooth like my drawer. As I kept walking, I felt the dust that was on the shelf underneath my fingertips. I could feel the dusty covers of the books on the shelf. They were smooth and cold and some of the covers were either soft or hard. As I was sliding my fingers on the books, I accidentally cut my finger on the sharp edge of a soft and thin book cover. "F***!" I whispered to myself, breaking the silence. It stung a little but I wasn't sure if it was bleeding or not, so I just sucked on it which tasted a little bitter. I kept on walking slowly to the light switch while trying to ignore the stinging pain.

When I reached the edge of the bookshelf, I started to put my hand out in front of me again to feel for the wall that has the light switch. While I was reaching out, I accidentally bumped the back of my left hand softly on the wall, making a thumping noise. It didn't really hurt so I continued to walk forward to the wall while keeping my left hand on it. The wall felt really cold, hard and rough. After a minute or two, I felt the cold, smooth light switch with my right hand and a surge of happiness was flowing through me. My body felt lighter as if something heavy just came off and my heart started to beat at a normal pace. Then I pushed up the light switch to turn on the lights. It made a 'click' sound. But the lights wouldn't turn on. I froze for a second, wondering why it didn't work while tipping my head to the right a little. I tried turning it 'off' and then 'on' again which made more clicking sounds, but it still wouldn't work.

I suddenly felt really tired and gave a huge sigh because I knew that it was a power shortage. I rolled my eyes thinking "Oh...wow...great..." I didn't want to get the flashlight because I didn't know where it was, so I felt my way back to my bed in the dark. But this time more confidently with longer and quicker steps since I can just retrace my way and not bump into anything. After reaching my bed, I climbed into it. The spot that I was sleeping on was still a little warm. I lied down on the same spot and covered myself with my soft blanket and went back to sleep feeling disappointed and irritated by the fact that I didn't get a freakin' sip of water but got a paper cut instead which stung only when I touched it. What a crappy night that was!

[RE] Response to "School is Cool"

This is a quote from Nick Sarmiento's blog:

"Some say that school, is the most boring and worst thing ever. I believe that school is actually somewhat "Cool", the way you act and picture school is what makes a person think that school is stupid or time wasting."

I agree that school is "cool" too. I think that school provides us the opportunity to discover new things about the world. And once we have that knowledge, we can use it for a lot of purposes such as from helping the environment to changing an individual's life. I picture school as a place where you can improve the power of your knowledge, make friends, and learn a lot more about where you stand in the world. So basically, I think that school is an amazing place.

I know a few people that actually say that school is boring and annoying, or troublesome and stressful. They probably have their own problems, such as family and health problems. Other times, it is just that person's personality that makes them too lazy to do the activities given by their school. I think the problem is that people are mostly viewing school based on their own situations instead of viewing it as a part of a big society.

School is in fact a little hard at times but there are good reasons for it. Such as having a lot of homework that you need to do. But having a lot of homework makes you review what you have learned in class and be able to memorize and apply it to real life someday. By thinking that school is "cool," you can make a big difference in your life because it gives you some power in your words and your actions.

[FREE] Throw Out the Toys!!

My house needs to be cleaned. I have so much junk in my house that my stepdad keeps calling it a "rat's nest". A long time ago, I threw out a lot of my toys away, but I still have a lot left. I never play with them anymore since I have other things to do like homework. Whenever I have free time, I usually read books or play on my guitar so I don't play with my toys at all. I wonder if I should throw it all away or donate them. I always try to throw away some things but then my mom would be like "Why are you throwing toys that are not broken yet? Do you know how much I had spent on these for you?" Then I would remind her that the toys that I am throwing out are mostly toys that she brought back for me, not bought for me, which were already broken... *cough* chipped... and was of no use to me.

I would get really irritated sometimes when my mom would refuse to throw out something that was useless to any of us. For example, I was trying to throw out this three to four pieces of a road for a toy train to go on because, firstly, I didn't have the train to begin with, and secondly, the other parts of the road were missing. It was totally useless, but my mom insisted that I keep it. I became irritated because I wanted to throw it out, but I had to listen to my mom, so I kept it... and I STILL have it.

I put it in a box with the rest of my toys that I had wanted to throw away, but can't, because I couldn't find a reason to tell my mom to throw it out except that I don't play or need it anymore which my mom would obviously say "no" to that reason. Now, whenever I would look at the direction of where my mirror is, I would be reminded that I really want to throw away that three to four pieces of train road because the box is RIGHT BESIDE MY MIRROR. During the next break I have, which is the Thanksgiving holiday break, I am going to try to throw it out again and hopefully she will allow it.

[BC] A Bit About Myself

Hi! My name is Sarina Ngo. As you can guess from my last name, I am Vietnamese since both of my parents are born in Vietnam. Although I am mostly Vietnamese, I'm also American and Chinese because I was born in California on the 24th of February, 1996 and my mom's grandparents were Chinese. I guess you can say that I am trilingual. My dad died from cancer when I was three years old because he was smoking and drinking all the time, so I really dislike smoking, drinking, and drugs. Ever since then my mom and I faced a lot of troubles.

My mom was sometimes overworked to earn money to pay for living expenses and a lot of debts. Since my mom was working, she couldn't take care of me so she had to hire a babysitter. I had to transfer schools every time my babysitter changed because most of the babysitters couldn't take care of me anymore or they just lived too far away, which I had to be in a school that was close to their place so that they could pick me up. So far I transferred five times (not counting middle and high school):
1. Washington Elementary (Alameda) for kindergarten and first grade
2. Haight Elementary (Alameda) for a few months in second grade
3. Lorenzo Elementary (San Lorenzo) for a few months in second grade as well
4. Cabello Elementary (Union City) for the rest of second and third grade
5. Whittier Elementary (Oakland) for fourth and fifth grade
I experienced many things. I had to say goodbye to my old friends but I also got to make new ones so it was alright.

For middle school, I went to Wood for a full three years, and now I am going to go to Alameda High for a full four years (that will be my first time staying at one school for four years). I forgot to mention that when I was going to Cabello, my sort-of-step dad moved in, and some of the load of earning money for living expenses was split until he became unemployed and is somewhat helping around the house. So that was mostly how my past was like. Now, on to what I like.

I like to watch anime and read manga A LOT, but any book is fine as long as it is interesting to me. I guess you can say that reading is one of my hobbies. Another hobby of mine is playing the guitar because I love music and it's really fun to play/make music. I like math and science (although I used to not like science). I'm NOT athletic at all causing me to suck at sports, but I still like to play badminton and tennis sometimes.

To me writing is something that I like to do, especially when I can free write on anything that I want. This is actually my first time writing a blog EVER, I hope that I am doing an okay job of it. My writing goals for the year are probably to build up on my vocabulary, to be able to respond to prompts more flowingly, and to write better essays because I sort of suck at that too. So I've pretty much summed up a bit about myself in this blog.